I've been planning for what seems like an eternity to make this move. Original plans included having the house on the market for the end of April -it's mid May already. Uugh.
Eternity = 1 month
I've been so excited thinking about future, taking the trip to Boston, searching for a job (which is really hard to do every day BTW) and trying to get little things done with the house that I've created this anticipatory anxiety for myself. Is that a word?
Did you know there are NO books out there about how to relocate to another city? How does one go about picking up and moving to another city? Do I move before I sell my house? What if I sell and don't have a job? Where do I live then? How do you check out schools? I've effectively gone from releasing my old stress to creating new stress.
Good stress, good stress. Good times, good times.
Lunch with a girlfriend the other day sparked many questions. Mostly about the boy. Mostly about whether I was going to stay here for him. Mostly because she doesn't want me to move.
I've been in denial. There are more feelings there than I want to admit. But how does that work? This is all new to me. Do you lay your cards on the table even though you don't plan on being around? Why bother? Why not? What if he feels the same? What if he doesn't? How do you handle it? Stop making plans and see what happens? All these questions and no answers.
Back to the here and now. I've been living so much of my life in another time zone that I'm missing the experience of what's going on now. And wasn't that the point of all this? To live now and stop worrying about the future and enjoy what I have right now.
I'm tired of all these questions, how about you? (gotcha)
I'm laying my cards on the table.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
The Epiphany
I've recently had an epiphany. It took a while, several years if I actually think about it hard enough. Swirling around in my mind, sometimes forgotten, hiding behind stress, boredom and even depression.
It took a significant level of frustration and tears, medication and a great therapist, to help me actually speak the words. Once the words came out, there was no stopping it. It grew like a wild fire. It sparked. Just a little. It sparked some more. Tiny flames escaped and danced across my thoughts, skimming the top at first. But pretty soon I was ignited. No holding back. This was it.
It's really hard to explain how such a little decision or thought has changed my life, but it really has. The actual decision really comes down to relocation. I've decided to relocate myself (kids & dog included).
Phhft. Big Deal. Whooptie.
It's so much more than moving to a new city. Not because I've been here my entire life. Not because I had my first child at 22 (I was a baby myself!). It's about new beginnings. Downsizing. Experiences. Opportunity. Career. Kids. Living.
These are just words. It's everything behind them and within them that's so important.
So I chucked my stuff in a garage sale, I'm putting my house on the market, gave a lengthy notice at work and started a new job search.
The epiphany was not that I wanted to do it. But that I could do it.
It took a significant level of frustration and tears, medication and a great therapist, to help me actually speak the words. Once the words came out, there was no stopping it. It grew like a wild fire. It sparked. Just a little. It sparked some more. Tiny flames escaped and danced across my thoughts, skimming the top at first. But pretty soon I was ignited. No holding back. This was it.
It's really hard to explain how such a little decision or thought has changed my life, but it really has. The actual decision really comes down to relocation. I've decided to relocate myself (kids & dog included).
Phhft. Big Deal. Whooptie.
It's so much more than moving to a new city. Not because I've been here my entire life. Not because I had my first child at 22 (I was a baby myself!). It's about new beginnings. Downsizing. Experiences. Opportunity. Career. Kids. Living.
These are just words. It's everything behind them and within them that's so important.
So I chucked my stuff in a garage sale, I'm putting my house on the market, gave a lengthy notice at work and started a new job search.
The epiphany was not that I wanted to do it. But that I could do it.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Make a List - Moving
Listing of the different lists I made in preparation of garage sale/moving and de-cluttering my house:
1. Return to original owner - neighbors weedeater, friends formal for last year's ball, mom's dishes etc.
2. Sale on Craigslist - stuff too expensive for a garage sale i.e. more than $20
3. Give to a friend - stuff of mine my friends have admired and wanted to give them "parting gifts"
4. Spaces to visit - closets, rooms, drawers, nooks that I knew had stuff that needed to find a new home
5. Give to Baby Daddy - stuff that needed to be donated to the "Ex" i.e. gas grill, dishes
6. Stuff I can box now and store until moving - self explanatory
7. Keepsakes - stuff to be stored indefinitely in someone's attic so I don't have to move it. Need to locate the attic as well
8.Contributors - other people who could contribute to the garage sale and donate their money to me
9. Decisions, Decisions - stuff I needed to go through and decide how much they meant to me i.e. 3 years of Gourmet magazines, box of greeting cards I've received and kept
10. Shredding Stuff - old paperwork and files that need to be re-organized and minimized
1. Return to original owner - neighbors weedeater, friends formal for last year's ball, mom's dishes etc.
2. Sale on Craigslist - stuff too expensive for a garage sale i.e. more than $20
3. Give to a friend - stuff of mine my friends have admired and wanted to give them "parting gifts"
4. Spaces to visit - closets, rooms, drawers, nooks that I knew had stuff that needed to find a new home
5. Give to Baby Daddy - stuff that needed to be donated to the "Ex" i.e. gas grill, dishes
6. Stuff I can box now and store until moving - self explanatory
7. Keepsakes - stuff to be stored indefinitely in someone's attic so I don't have to move it. Need to locate the attic as well
8.Contributors - other people who could contribute to the garage sale and donate their money to me
9. Decisions, Decisions - stuff I needed to go through and decide how much they meant to me i.e. 3 years of Gourmet magazines, box of greeting cards I've received and kept
10. Shredding Stuff - old paperwork and files that need to be re-organized and minimized
Friday, April 29, 2011
Subways
I have an affection for subways. They completely fascinate me.
Start with the maps. All the lines, crossing each other, along side each other, different colors, different directions. So organized. So well planned (I'm sure some would argue with that). Each station listed. It's a work of art really, modern art. I'm totally into geometric shapes when it comes to art. Simple. Clean.
The subway itself is so interesting to me too. Something about knowing that I can go clear across the city with someone else driving me. Expectations defined and delivered. Stations crawling with people. Thousands of people. People watching at it's prime. Every race, nationality and fashion representation present. Waiting. Waiting for the doors to open. Standing like a statue so the exiting groups have to move around them. Wanting to be the first to board so they can get a seat. Keeping to themselves, plugged into their iPods, reading a book or the paper, politely ignoring the stranger next to them. No one talks. Quiet except for the screech of the metal of the wheels against the track. Bodies moving in unison to the turns and bounces the train suggests. It's like being alone in a room of 100 people.
My first experience was the NYC subway. All of about 5 minutes, I had no time to be mesmerized. My addiction came when I experienced the Paris metro. Each station beautifully decorated, street musicians playing their instruments so it echoed down the tunnels, Parisian men with babies and strollers seemed so out of place but not really. I brought a metro map home and had it framed.
I found this book in Boston. You know I'm in love.
Start with the maps. All the lines, crossing each other, along side each other, different colors, different directions. So organized. So well planned (I'm sure some would argue with that). Each station listed. It's a work of art really, modern art. I'm totally into geometric shapes when it comes to art. Simple. Clean.
The subway itself is so interesting to me too. Something about knowing that I can go clear across the city with someone else driving me. Expectations defined and delivered. Stations crawling with people. Thousands of people. People watching at it's prime. Every race, nationality and fashion representation present. Waiting. Waiting for the doors to open. Standing like a statue so the exiting groups have to move around them. Wanting to be the first to board so they can get a seat. Keeping to themselves, plugged into their iPods, reading a book or the paper, politely ignoring the stranger next to them. No one talks. Quiet except for the screech of the metal of the wheels against the track. Bodies moving in unison to the turns and bounces the train suggests. It's like being alone in a room of 100 people.
My first experience was the NYC subway. All of about 5 minutes, I had no time to be mesmerized. My addiction came when I experienced the Paris metro. Each station beautifully decorated, street musicians playing their instruments so it echoed down the tunnels, Parisian men with babies and strollers seemed so out of place but not really. I brought a metro map home and had it framed.
I found this book in Boston. You know I'm in love.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Share Your World With Me
What is it about sharing our world with others that's so attractive to some?
As I read through blogs online, I see that people will share anything and everything with anyone that will listen: Kids, family, dogs, cooking, dating, husbands, work, neighbors, sports, gardening, boredom, crafts, drinking, grades....
It's fascinating to me. I'm a little bit jealous. I tend to keep my "going's on" private. Private being defined as known to me, my family, my friends, my boyfriend, my kids, and my co-workers. I certainly try to keep my opinions a bit tampered (but that some time's doesn't work). Even Facebook and Twitter get a "brain to keyboard filter". Some people should really learn that discipline.
I'm a sucker for the blog titles. People are so clever sometimes (this doesn't apply to the million and a half "The Thomas Family Blog" that are nothing but pictures of cute, adorable kids and puppies). I'll read through just based on the blog title if it's snappy enough.
OK, off I go. I set up my blog (this is it!) thinking surely I have some witty commentary and stories to share with others (stay with me, I do). I spend time with the design, too much time as I feel like it's as much about trying to define my personality as it is to pick a groovy background. I come up with a catchy title, something that will provide a summary of the contents to which you will be subjected. I think I succeeded. You can tell me later. I've got lots to say.
drumroll..........
As I read through blogs online, I see that people will share anything and everything with anyone that will listen: Kids, family, dogs, cooking, dating, husbands, work, neighbors, sports, gardening, boredom, crafts, drinking, grades....
It's fascinating to me. I'm a little bit jealous. I tend to keep my "going's on" private. Private being defined as known to me, my family, my friends, my boyfriend, my kids, and my co-workers. I certainly try to keep my opinions a bit tampered (but that some time's doesn't work). Even Facebook and Twitter get a "brain to keyboard filter". Some people should really learn that discipline.
I'm a sucker for the blog titles. People are so clever sometimes (this doesn't apply to the million and a half "The Thomas Family Blog" that are nothing but pictures of cute, adorable kids and puppies). I'll read through just based on the blog title if it's snappy enough.
OK, off I go. I set up my blog (this is it!) thinking surely I have some witty commentary and stories to share with others (stay with me, I do). I spend time with the design, too much time as I feel like it's as much about trying to define my personality as it is to pick a groovy background. I come up with a catchy title, something that will provide a summary of the contents to which you will be subjected. I think I succeeded. You can tell me later. I've got lots to say.
drumroll..........
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)